No Longer a Virgin.

 

Don’t judge me by my past, I don’t live there anymore.

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Yes, I was a virgin until this very moment . . . virgin blogger that is!

This is actually my very first blog ever and I am scared. My perception of a blog can be described as a magical, mystical place just out of my reach. It has been suggested a blog could be diary-esque, but I am not warming to the idea of using this vehicle for expressing one’s dreams, fears or precious SECRETS!

I have never personally been a diary devotee. It just seems wrong to commit my innermost thoughts to paper, where any enthusiastic reader might devour the tender words, spilled onto the pages of a little hard covered book. Diaries are just little hard covered books, right?

I would not have suspected that keeping a diary could also become compulsive or detrimental to your mental health. I was intrigued when I discovered this article, “When Diary-Keeping Gets in the Way of Living”, by Julie Beck, a senior editor at The Atlantic, who interviewed Sarah Manguso, author of “Ongoingness: The End of a Diary”.

Narrative is not a mode that has ever come easily to me. I neither produce nor consume it with much ease and I don’t really need to read or reread an entire book or watch or rewatch an entire movie.

People for whom story is very important find this just so impossible. We just live differently, me and people who are bound by narrative convention. It’s not that they’re more conventional, it’s just a convention that’s never really seemed necessary to me.”

Sarah Manguso

Why does writing down our thoughts seem so unattainable for some and yet not for others? It is infinitely more difficult for me to capture thoughts and then just allow them to “willingly” leak onto the paper.

Writing letter to a friend

“All you have to do is talk about a moment. You don’t have to anticipate anything. You don’t have to really digest anything that happened before that day. It’s just the day.”

Sarah Manguso

I promise to keep moving forward on this slickery blog track . . . just breathe. I will allow myself to take moments to quietly embrace and accept, whatever thoughts have been fortunate enough to bubble to the surface.

I am definitely not sure about the appropriateness of this topic for a newbie, but I am a little curious about what journey my next blog might take me on. I hope my “word-wheels” don’t start spinning and this actually becomes my very first and last blog ever.

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